I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
