my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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