if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
