So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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