There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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