i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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