um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
