Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
