Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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