I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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