im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
