You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
