I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
