It's Friday. Sex?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
