i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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