I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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