The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
