you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
