this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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