First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
