She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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