he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
