Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
