Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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