The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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