addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
