his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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