I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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