i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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