Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
