We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
