M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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