I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
