life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
