Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
