I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
