can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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