I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Randomize
