Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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