I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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