My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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