do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
