Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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