Your mouth is God's brothel.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
