ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
