And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
