he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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