i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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