the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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