Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my shit smells like andre
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
