It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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