i just wanna soil my oats bro
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
