the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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