Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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