After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
