If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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