I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
