I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
