my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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