I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You made out with two different species that night
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
