____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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