You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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