Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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