Don't make out with my wife yet
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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