I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize