I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
