My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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