Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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