just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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