Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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