So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
