My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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