We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
