and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize