It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
