I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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