dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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