hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
