Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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