when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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